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Maccabiah 2005

Okay, so I meant to do this earlier, but I have...

THE ALMA MATERS AND COMEDY SONGS OF MACCABIAH 2005!!


Alma Mater
 
            Chorus
            Ein torah k’torat Yisrael
            Our home is alive in our minds in our hearts.
            No one has lasted like you Yisrael
            Our memories stay with us though we are apart

 
Lighting candles all together as we draw close (echo)
Singing songs and prayers of thanks together as one (echo)
We’ve nothing to fear as long as we are here at home
 
            Chorus
 
Every week with all our senses, we take it all in (echo)
We think of the past, and prepare for the future, moving along (echo)
Memories of places and familiar faces protect us on our way
 
            Chorus
 
Every summer we leave our homes just to come back home (echo)
To a place where it is clear we’re not alone (echo)
We come here to grow, learn how little we know
But always remember
 
Coda
Home is where the heart is
The spark within our souls
Yisrael bilibi (3x)
 
 
Comedy Song
(To “Summertime Forever” by Matt Stamm)
 
Well I only wish that Doug had stayed and spent the rest of everyday
In the place where it’s Eisner Camp forever.
I’m gonna dream about the pigs we met, but they won’t let us touch them yet
Here at Crane Lake…oops, Eisner camp.
 
Joni closed her eyes, she heard a scream
When the golf cart stopped, there’s a kid from kitanim.
The Olim beit-am is not where I want to be
It got hit by a tree.
 
Well I only wish that we could get some soda at the next banquet
Or brownies that don’t taste like mud.
The tour in Montreal was great, but we got to the museum late
When camp Ramah kidnapped our bus.
 
The feeling J-Lev gets from riding his bike,
While his golf cart is used by Louis’s wife.
Matt Stamm finally got his on key.
J-Lev says, “Why not me?”
 
Well I only wish that we could shower, but thunderstorms zapped all the power
Every single rainy Friday night.
I’ll dream of being clean and cool, but it’s so hot we’re in the pool,
Who likes a normal schedule anyway?
 
Bridge
Polynesian chicken, barbeque chicken,
Chicken patties, chicken salad,
Fajitas, chicken nuggets
Isn’t it enough already folks?
 
J-Lev, J-Bro, J-Fein, J-Lo, Lou Dawg, Matt Stamm,
Why can’t we just use first names?
 
The cowboy hat, the smash hit, your daily jokes don’t cut it,
The waiting dance does not help [dance]
 
Now it’s time to rhyme time,
With time we’ve done it now three times
I swear this is the last time, time! time!
 
Louis talks it starts to rain.
July 4th they made us play games.
At Harlem, at Crane Lake,
Hey you guys are we a sports camp now?
 
When they left the bubble, Olim got in trouble
Because they were so bad this year there is no Maccabiah, HA!
[spoken] Let me tell you a story about two brothers and a field of wheat...
Please stop! Please stop! Please stop! STOP!
 
Finally this year the nurses are nice,
But we’re so confused, the old chadar [pause] Teatron! Ofarim beit-am!
Changed names twice.
J-Lev can do handstands, but singing’s not his thing,
Though as a carpet he’s the king.
Green team do your thing!
 
La la la…
Key change!
 
Well I only wish that we could stay and
Hear hakshievus every day but only if you repeat them twice
I want to wear clean clothes today but the laundry is still away
And these “clean” clothes still don’t smell too nice.
 
Well I only wish that Doug had stayed and spent the rest of everyday
In the place where it’s Eisner Camp forever
I’m gonna dream about the pigs we met, but they woun’t let us touch them yet
In Crane Lake…oops, Eisner Camp.
 
Here at Crane Lake…oops this is Eisner Camp!



 

 



 
Alma Mater
 
I woke up to fins a familiar place
Taking memories with me in my suitcase
Each one of us had adventure in mind
Now it’s time to step back and rewind
It brings us back to the very first day
When we arrived at camp and wanted to say
 
Go ahead and soar through these gates
As you make aliyah to this holy place
I wait year ‘round just to hear these sounds
Shelo Y’Gamer L’Olam

 
Seeing the reflections of stars in the lake
It kept us thinking and it kept us awake
The days go by as we continue to grow
We’re better now and we think you should know
We’ve all made each other who we are today
These are my people and together we pray
 
Go ahead and soar through these gates
As you make aliyah to this holy place
I wait year ‘round just to hear these sounds
Shelo Y’Gamer L’Olam
 
 
Bridge
Hard to believe that it’s been two months
I roll down the window and yell back to my bunk
Tizkeru Eich Irgashnu—
Remember me and I will remember you.
 
Go ahead and soar through these gates
As you make aliyah to this holy place
I wait year ‘round just to hear these sounds
Shelo Y’Gamer L’Olam

 
 
Comedy Song
 
(Bottle Pop Song)
1st Year Staff
2nd Year Staff
3rd Year Staff
4th Year Staff
5th Year Staff
6th Year Staff
7th Year Staff
Chafetz!
 
Finally a unit head, unit head, unit head
Finally a unit head, Lisa’s first year staff!
 
(Backstreet’s Back)
Eisner Campers…YEAH
Write your letters…YEAH
Eisner Campers…write your letters tonight!
Taco’s waiting ALRIGHT!!
 
(Twisted Candle Song)
Scented Candle brightened our hearts
While Camplified left us in the dark
Arkitekt and I-94
Matt Stamm wishes he could join the tour
 
(Clap/Stomp/Clap/Stomp)
Say what’s your name…say Otis
Say what’s your name…say Otis
Say what’s your name…say Otis
Say what’s your name…say Dan Cusher?
What?
 
(Don’t Funk with My Heart)
No no no no no!
Mo mo mo mo mo!
 
(I Feel Like a Woman)
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo  Let’s go girls!
I’m more than it seems, I’m an intern in Olim
Benodryl cream and Dramamine
The best part about being a male nurse is playing Frisbee and filing folders
Oh oh oh I’m going real nuts with a bad hair cut and Brits with mumps
Oh oh oh with a long skirt and a nice shirt and grandma Boardman
Will…he feels like a male nurse.
 
Say what’s your name…say Zippy
Say what’s your name…say Zippy
Say what’s your name…say Sarah Magida?
What?
 
(Wheels on the Bus)

The wheels on the van go round and round
            Over the hakshievu machine
Round and round
            Over the horseshoe set
Round and round
            Over the Bonimers
The wheels on the van go round and round
All through Lisa’s shmira
 
(group) Eifo Jillian Wheeler!
(one voice) Po Jillian Wheeler!
 
(Hit the Road Jack)
Hit the road guests
And don’t you forget to sign out on your way out
Hit the road guests unless you’re Olim 04
 
(A Whole New World)

I can show you the world
Even without a license
Swooping and dodging the parents
On Eisner’s opening day
 
Lev and Ali
Sure he can’t see but Ali’s foreign
Not sure which is worse: the vision curse
Or that Louis lets them drive
 
J-BRO IN SARAN WRAP!
J-BRO IN SARAN WRAP!
J-BRO IN SARAN WRAP! TADA!! (jazz hands)
 
(Gaston [from Beauty and the Beast])
No one’s more than Adin, plays guitar like Adin
Nobody has accents as poor as Adin
He’s especially bad at impersonating
Hey folks from Israel…he’s Adin!
 
(Pinky and the Brain)
It’s Robbie and the Brain
It’s Robbie and the Brain
One does the labor, the other won’t shave
They’re underrated folks, requests forms are a joke
It’s Robbie, it’s Robbie and the brain brain brain brain brain NARF!
 
Say what’s your name…say Page
Say what’s your name…say Page
Say what’s your name…say Ari Jacobson?
What?
 
(Mirembre)

Sourth Africa, Canada and 14 more
Czechs in the kitchen and Ecuador
Netherlands, Russia and England as well
Scotland and Canada and Israel
AND IN CASE YOU WANTED TO HEAR THE WHOLE LIST
New Zealand, Australia, USA, France, Uruguay, Sweden, New Jersey, Russia, Netherlands, Germany, Yes we said New Jersey, England, Israel, Scotland, Czech Republic, Ecuador, Canada and South Africa
 
(God Bless America)

Eisner in Washington
More than Brandeis
With Salkin and Warren
Sarah Stone, Larry Cohen and Josh Kiss
Julie Wallick, Amanda Baron, Emma Friedman, Okshteyn
Kellner’s at American with the rest of the scene
God Bless Washington, we still won’t vote for Bush



 

 

 
Alma Mater
 
Me-al hakol hamakom hazeh hi shelanu
After all, this is our home, this place is our own
 
On a foggy morning, in the thick of all the haze
Stranded on an island, alone, lost, afraid
And whispered softly to the giants striding by
The mist was parted, and the wiser one replied”
 
Chorus
Stay with me
Take my hand
Look around, understand
Stay with me, after all
Promise me you’ll stay…

 
5000 years from now, the stars they have not changed
Two homes across an ocean, linked by common faith
Their memories still vivid, as clear as evening sky
The stars watch over both of them, these words echo in their minds
 
Chorus
 
Wish I could stay just one more day
Don’t you leave me now after all we’ve found
 
A tear hits the water and ripples into waves
Sitting on the shore with a piece of wood and paint
A farewell melts between them, they share a final embrace
It’s time to drift away now, but they wrote below their names
 
Chorus
 
Stay with me
Take my hand
Look around, understand
Stay with me, after all
You’re leaving me
Stay, stay
 
 
Comedy Song

 
(Announcements)
UN-NOUNCEMENTS!!
Un-nouncements, un-nouncements, un-nouncements
We don’t want no pie in the face,
Pie in the face, pie in the face (2x)
We just want to throw them in the pool
Throw them in the pool, throw them in the pool (2x)
 
(Tao, Tao)
Tao, Tao
Cheering on the quad
Have no rhythm
(mumbled) What are we saying?
(shouted) WHAT ARE WE SAYING?
Ehhh???
 
(Hakuna Matata)
Seth and Robbie, what a wonderful team
Seth and Robbie, the Biet Am king and queen
You’re full of worries,
If you don’t leave it clean
Seth will follow you
And Robbie, him
Seth and Robbie
 
(Peace Will)
Oh, my whole life
I’ve never played football at camp
I’m so afraid of being hit, hit in the head
By Peaceman
Sweet Peaceman
Peaceman will come
But keep him away from me!
 
(I’ll Take the High Road)

I’ll pop my collar
‘Cause I’m a theatre scholar
And I’ll get my work done before ye
‘Cause I don’t do anything
I just make Bonimers sing
[I DON’T CARE!]
On the shmutzie, shmutzie stage of the Beit Am
 
(Over the Rafters)
Woah, midnight men move again, half past ten
Too bad OD doesn’t care yet again
Me to you
You to me
J-Bro’s watching but
We’re free
And we’re freeee, and we’re freeee….
 
(Summertime Forever)
This is the time time,
The time time,
The time time,
It’s your time, it’s my time
Do you know the time,
I don’t have the time
It’s quiet time
We’re gonna be quiet now…
 
(Pizza Bagels)
Chicken in the morning
Chicken in the evening
Chicken at suppertime
When Smitty gets his cook on
We miss Joyce’s beef surprise
 
($Million)
Yes, I have a million counselors
Yes, I have a million counselors
They’re always on days off
Yes, they’re always on days off
Yes, I have a million counselors
Where are they now?
 
(Alueta/David Melech)
Harry Potter
The book is getting hotter
Harry Potter
This is how it ends…Shhh!
Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
Matt Stamm…mmatS ttam (2x)
It’s a palindrome! (awkward pause)
 
(Lou’s Lous)
Lou’s Lous
It’s a win-win situation
 
(Rainbow Connection)
Why are there so many
Colors of bug juice?
And what’s with the bright blue shade?
And what’s with…
            (start talking quietly)
GUYS! We’re recording
            (silence)
 
(Here Comes the Sun)
There goes the sun, do do dodo
There goes the sun, and I say,
It’s not bright
Do do do do do, do do do, do do do,
Little darling, it’s Shabbat and it’s still raining
Fortunately we all fit inside the Beit Am
There goes the sun, do do do do
There goes the sun, and I say
It’s not bright
 
(Go go go Joseph)
Go go go Louis your speeches are great
Go go go Louis they cause it to rain
Last time you spoke the power went out
And then two trees fell to the ground
 
(Nachshon)
N-n-n-Noam rocked up Eisner Camp
The counselors loved him
He is the old school champ
But the campers went away
 
(I Want Candy)
I want fribbles, pizza bites and more Breira
I want later breakfast, stronger beds, and no Limud
 
(Mary Had a Little Lamb)
Teva had two little goats
Mama goat,
Baby goat
Teva had two little goats and then they ran away
Little goats ran very far,
Very far,
Very far
They couldn’t catch them in a car
We chased them anyway
 
(Mexican Hat Dance)
For breakfast this morning it’s pancakes
For lunch today it’s tuna
For dinner today it’s (3x)
 
(Bedtime Sh’ma)
Snack time before bed
Sugar goes straight to their heads
Campers bouncing off the walls
Can’t get Bonim to sleep
They refuse to count their sheep
Because they got no chocolate milk
 
(OLD SCHOOL Chaverim Cheer)
You ARE NOT
Motivated, dedicated, ready to be educated
You’re the new clean Chaverim!
 
(Tzofim Cheer)
So so so so so so lame (2x)
Stop and listen
But Tzofim NEVER listens
            (start talking quietly)
GUYS! We’re still recording!
            (silence)
 


 


 



 
Alma Mater
 
I woke up on a summer morning
The sunlight kissed my face
I put my feet into my Birks
And thanked G-d for thi place
Open up the doorway
To the people all around
Contemplate the meaning
Of the friendships I have found
Announcements and the Rafter song
Bring teardrops to my eyes
Praying out on Olim hill
Beneath the painted sky
 
Chorus
Don’t look for home
I’m already here, don’t feel alone
(2x)

 
From the Negev up to Tel Aviv
B’Kirvat Ha Kotel
I almost feel that this place is our
Homegrown Yisrael
The plaques engulf the weathered wall
Remind us of the past
Hang on to your memories
And make the moments last
I’m packing up my bags
But this is where I wanna be
I only wish I could have
One more time beneath the Tree
 
Chorus
 
We’ve spent so much time wondering
If your paths will ever cross
A man who knows where his heart is
Is a man who’s never lost
 
Chorus
 
I woke up on a summer morning
The sunlight kissed my face
I put my feet into my Birks
And thanked G-d for this place
 
Atem Kvar Ba Bait
Eretz Yisrael
Don’t look for home
 
Comedy Song
 
(The Sun)
This song is a song called the comedy song
But it’s not necessarily funny
It’ll probably leave you confused and upset
But we hope you enjoy it nonetheless
 
(Modeh Ani)
No no no no no no no
Mo mo mo mo mo mo mo
No mo for campers at Eisner
Maybe you’ll get it next summer
And when we do get it,
There’s nothing but
Nature’s Valley, foul-tasting Israeli snacks
And sometimes Pizza-flavored Combos
(If you’re lucky)
 
(Till her daddy takes the T-bird away)
Well she’s got the shmira van, and watch out cause she’s coming through now
Seems she forgot all about just what those little pedals can do now
And she’ll have fun, fun, fun till she hits something on Olim hill
(oops, she already did)
 
(Adam’s Family)
Saturday lunch (2x)
Add some sauce to the chicken
And some mayo to the taters
Serves you right
You Israeli salad haters
Saturday lunch (2x)
 
(Hakshievu)
Hakshievu (2x)
I’m proud to be a Jew because kehilah, kavod, shalom, sabada, lashon harah, Michael, and birkat
This message brough to you by the Cornerstone fellows
 
(I’m proud to be an American)
I’m proud to be an American ‘cause someone’s got to be
‘Cause there’s 13 Poles and 7 Czech guys
But only 4 homeboys like me
On the staff here at Eisner Camp
Where home is overseas
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt at Eisner Camp
Americans are the minority
 
(The Sun)
Shabbat brownies are atrocious. How atrocious are they?
They’re so atrocious that I gave one to my Bonim buddy and he cried.
 
(Summertime Forever)
Pagodas and communal showers,
God awful services
And scary scary kids in Chavurah
The good times, the bad times, the average times, the time times,
Please stop, please stop, please stop sending Olim to Harlam
 
(Boulevard of Broken Dreams)
Got stuck away from camp
‘Cause the bus broke down on Trip Day
God stuck in who-knows-where
Ended up in Kutz, 3 camps 1 day
 
So angry, why are we still using Yankee Trails?
Tradition says they break down without fail
Sometimes when we’re stuck on a bus we sit and think
We’d rather stay here
 
(The Sun)
Denise is obsessed with Matay. How obsessed is she?
Denise is so obsessed with Matay—whatever that is—that we found the need to put it in our comedy song. Additionally, Matay makes you have to go to the bathroom.
 
(Beauty and the Beast)
First we had Aladdin, then Beauty and the Beast
Then the Lion King, it seems we can’t sing
Any songs not produced by the international corporation known as the Walt Disney Company
 

Spoken: Matt Stamm backwards is Matt Stamm.
Thin about it. He’s a walking hunk of phonetic palindrome manliness.
 
(Peace Will Come)
Spoken: Yes, we know they used this and they’re going to use this and that they thought of doing this but then thought better of it. But we’re doing it anyway.
Peaceman
Peaceman will
Peaceman will talk
And when he does
Things will get…awkward.
 
Spoken: Speaking of awkward, EVERYTHING is not awkward. Situations can be uncomfortable, inappropriate, embarrassing, fun, happy, scary, sneezy, sleepy, dopey, and doc as well.
 
(Ofarim Cheer)
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
It’s good to here that Ofarim has a new cheer
Too bad it’s not a bit clear
We cannot hear the words here
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
 
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
(jumble words)
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
 
(The Sun)
Louis’s two brothers with wheat speech is overused. How overused is it?
It’s so overused that the two brothers offered to give Louis all of their wheat if he stopped using their story.
 
(Where is the Love?)
What’s wrong with Shabbat now
People coughing during prayers getting real loud
All the milk in our brownies disappeared
Now no one ever eats dessert ‘cause it’s really weird
 
It was sunny now it’s pouring
Israeli dance inside is boring
Louis’s speeches take some time
Not paying attention is a crime
‘Cause someone has to figure this out
‘Cause times are changing way too fast
Someone tell me what has happened
To the Sabbaths of the past
 
(What’s my age again?)
And we were in the Beit Am watching Camplified
And then this though happened to cross our minds
That girl’s 12 and her band’s 35
What’s hers again? What’s his again?


(We didn’t start the fire)
Spoken: And now for the leftovers…
Joni dropped a K’tanimer, Peace Will Come overdone,
Cookies are great but there’s no mung,
Smitty’s new but nothing’s changed, Phi Sig is all the rage,
All these NFTY peeps, human-sounding Teva sheep
Power’s out again, water’s gone for all the men
Castro by Lou’s side, eggs smell like something died,
No one for toranut, do we give a hoot
A brown lake, birthday cake, Michlachat needs another break
 
We just wrote this song
We hope it was somewhat funny and not too long
We just wrote the song
Boobah!



Enjoy!

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